On Monday I picked up new, adventurous glasses (retro!) and yesterday I dyed some of my hair blue.
I pretty much love my new look, but it’s a big jump for me. I’m not really known for my daring fashion. I’ve been a solid-colored tshirt and jeans girl for most of my life with the occasional blip into something more expressive.
Which is interesting, because I am a pretty expressive person. I write. I paint. I sing (not always well, but whatever) and more and more, I dance. But when it comes to how I dress, I generally try to fly under the radar. There are probably many blog post’s worth of reasons for this, but it’s something I’ve been noticing a lot lately.
Through my fashion (or lack there of) and in a couple of other ways, I think I’ve been trying to hide in plain sight. (Does that make any sense at all?) I’m unsure of myself, so I try to fly right in the middle of tragically-uncool and fashion-forward.
I admire more expressive people, but for me I play it safe. I think things like, “I probably can’t pull this off,” and “Maybe if I lose twenty pounds,” and “What if people laugh at me?”
For a couple of years now, I’ve thought about dyeing my hair blue. I loved the idea of doing just the bottom of it, but didn’t know quite how it’d turn out. I mean, what if I looked like a clown? I talked about it so much that Ben bought me As-Seen-On-TV hair chalk for Christmas. (I wasn’t sure I trusted it, so predictably, it’s still in the box.)
Then we moved to Austin, where hair of every color abounds. I told Ben, “I really do want to try to the blue hair thing.” To which he said something along the lines of “Just do it already.” I guess my contemplation of blue hair is not as compelling a conversation topic to Ben.
My choosing-glasses convo was eerily similar. I’ve always gone simple, and while I loved the frames I wasn’t sure I could “pull them off.”
And you know what? I think these hesitancies are just symptoms of a root lack of confidence. A root unwillingness to be truly seen because what if people laugh or criticize?
And then I decided, who friggin cares? Don’t like me? Get over it! Ha!!
This is the year in which I dance. I’m done hiding. So I bought the glasses I love and dyed my hair blue. You might hate it. You might be wondering just when I went crazy. But when I look in the mirror, I think, now I look like me (And not at all like a clown, thank God).
I’m not angry at the world or anything. I’m still pretty clean-cut and I still love Jesus. But I’m a little edgy, a lot artsy, and a tad bit more “colorful” than my church-going friends sometimes appreciate. At least for today, I think my “look” matches my self.
How great is that?!